Q:  Is that a wig, or what?

A:  Though it may cost her some personal embarrassment, her fans deserve to know the truth -- YES, my dears -- they are ALL wigs!  Miss Steele contracted scarlet fever as a child, and as a result, has been completely bald since the age of eleven.  She currently uses the legendary Mr. Fernando of Hollywood as her exclusive wig stylist.

[Oh, Ha Ha! -- I  am just pulling upon your legs, my little bindis!  The truth is that Miss Steele has too much mane to know what to do with it all, although it IS understandable that some people might suspect;  just take a look at this mid-eighties Aqua Net Super Ultra moment!...so, yes, we will forgive them for thinking such silly nonsense.]

Q:  Was Michael Steele ever REALLY in the Runaways?

A:  Oh, my dears...you know, if the amount of people who claim to have been in that particular group really were in it, the band would swell to the size of Woodstock (and considering  how many people claimed to be THERE who weren't, well, my little papadums -- the mind just boggles.)  As with Elvis, there have been many, many Michael Steele sightings -- but no real scientific evidence...Photos can be doctored...desperate people can be bribed.  Honestly!  She was never there at all...just ask Joan...or Sandy!

[Oh my GOODNESS gosh!  I believe you Americans have a little song  that goes, "Liar, liar, pants on fire!"...my trousers must be smoking, Ha Ha!! Yes, she was in that particular combo for a short & uncomfortable period of time.  Just ask, well, you know who!...]

THE SWAMI'S OPINIONATED OPINION

Q:  Do Michael and the other Bangles really play their own instruments?

A:  Well, if indeed they do, I wonder why they bother... it seems like so much unnecessary work, when they could just put on headsets and wiggle about like 98% of the other female performers out there.  They would have so much more time to pay attention to their hairdos and makeup;  they could wear sexier and much tighter fitting costumes; they could hire a  hip young choreographer to work up exciting dance routines that are virtually impossible to do when you have a big, clumsy musical instrument hanging off of your neck.  (Unless, of course, you are Kip Winger.)   Why do they insist on doing everything the hard way?  When it is so obvious that all of this lip-syncing whilst dancing about with pyrotechnic explosions coming out of your skintight silver panties is what the public expects of a contemporary female performer these days?  Well, then all I can say is don't come crying to ME, Swami Varda, when the day comes to say, "I told you so!"

***

Well, we have come to the end of our special time together.  And now, in conclusion, I must say this to you: Loose talk, lies, and insinuendo are obviously running rampant over the web, so I wouldn't believe too much of what I read...and believe me, the Swami knows of what he speaks!

I will return to you as I am needed...

Yours Very Truly,